Chapter One:
A Barista's Recipe to Self-Love

Life narrative, memoir, mémoire, récit de vie

I have struggled with self-love my whole life, so much so that it makes up an entire chapter of my life narrative. For years I swept my self-worth beneath my peer’s flawless selfies and watched it get crushed beneath the weight of their 20,000 Instagram followers. I sat idle as it was consumed by waves of viral content that I felt I could never recreate. I felt paralyzed by a sense of comparison that manifested into daily acts of self-hate. In high school, I felt like I was nothing compared to the girls I saw on my Instagram feed and this feeling prevailed during my freshman year of college.

But, when the year 2021 came around something inside of me changed. It was the year I found the courage to start believing in myself. It was the year I stopped bullying the girl on the other side of the mirror, for good.

So, what happened in 2021? Well, I stopped comparing myself to others online, I started posting content that was authentic rather than mimicking viral trends and I started being the woman I wanted to be in real life. I got a summer job at a local Starbucks coffee shop, and, to my shy mind’s surprise, I discovered one of my deepest passions lies in meeting people. I became obsessed with hearing other’s stories — so much so that I would wake up at 5:30 a.m., unfazed by sleep deprivation, and ready to have hundreds of conversations with strangers at work that day.

I owe so much to my simple job at Starbucks. That is where I learned how to connect with people through the little things, like a cup of coffee in the morning. I heard the stories of a skydiver stopping in before a big jump. I met a therapist who avoided work on Fridays. I made a double-blended mocha Frappuccino for Jason every single day. I fetched extra-hot hot chocolate for the sweetest woman, Eileen, after her morning runs. Hearing their life stories helped me to find beauty within myself.

At Starbucks, I realized that I am but a recipe and the people in my life are the secret ingredients to my beautiful identity. I am a spitting image of the people I love, even those that I am not biologically related to. With this revelation, 2021 became the year I developed my forever-growing recipe to self-love.

Ingredients

One heaping cup of strength from Lori Pierskalla

My mother, Lori Pierskalla, is the strongest woman I have ever met. She is one of six siblings raised on a farm in Sterling, Colo. I inherited a farm-girl grit and determination from my mother. I may not be the strongest physically, but I would fight with the heart of my mother to protect what I love.

One-half cup of “dad jokes” from David Pierskalla

For a long time, my sense of humor was my language in crowds. In high school, I hung out with friends, played on soccer teams and joined clubs as the shy girl who cracked jokes. I collected smiles like baseball cards, stored dimples in my mind’s permanent files and used laughter as my social currency. I get my smile and sense of humor from my comedic father, David Pierskalla.

One-fourth cup of humility from Ryan Pierskalla

Be humble, be kind and be true. My brother, Ryan Pierskalla, has taught me a lot in this life. Growing up with a sibling who is 15 years older than you is a unique experience. You watch them accomplish so much while you are still so young. As a result, you look up to them in every way. The thing I admire most about my brother is how humble he is. He works as an exercise therapist at a Multiple Sclerosis rehabilitation center. He has devoted his life to helping others, but he never brags about his admirable work...

A pinch of courage from Shannon Zamonis

My childhood best friend, Shannon Zamonis, has amniotic band syndrome, a rare condition that occurs when the umbilical cord wraps around the limbs of a fetus in the womb and bars development. In the 15 years I have known her she has never let having one hand stand in her way. She rides horses, lifts hay bales, paints, fixes trucks and challenges what others tell her she can and can’t do daily. Zamonis gave me the courage to try new things, stand up for what I believe and be unapologetically me.

A sprig of bliss from Lauren Farel and Olivia Thompson

Some days I struggle to see any beauty in myself. On these days the freckles on my forehead multiply, my nose grows 20 times in size and I gain 100 pounds. On those days, my lovely college friends, Lauren Farel and Olivia Thompson, stand by my side. They tell me how stunning my freckles are, how my nose is just the right size and how I am beautiful the way I am. The joy these two give me is one I hope to share with every stranger I meet.

A sprinkle of love from the Starbucks crew at Hover and Trade

The people I met at Starbucks changed my life. Customers, crew members and managers showed me nothing but love throughout my cafe career. My time working in a cafe taught me so much more than the science behind a perfect cappuccino. There I learned how to get a stranger to smile in under three minutes. I am forever grateful for the courage this job gave me and the woman the people I met there molded me into.

Recipe Method

(six steps to loving who I see in the mirror)

Recognize that the people you love are a part of the woman you see in the mirror. Notice the delicate features their presence has altered in your face, listen to the melodies they altered in your voice and bask in their love.
Call up anyone on this list and let them know how much you love them. Tell them what you admire most about them and thank them for being who the people they are.
Strike up conversations with strangers daily. Who knows, they could be strangers today and ingredients to your identity tomorrow.
Embrace the beauty of others. Try to comment on a little thing you find to be beautiful in someone else daily.
Connect with strangers through the little things. Those things that make us human, like a cup of coffee in the morning.
Look in the mirror and let loose: smile, dance, and be happy because you are beautiful in your own way! :)

Kaylee Pierskalla’s incomplete recipe for recognizing self-love. I am still learning to love who I am and continually meeting new people to add to my narrative with each passing day. This recipe is just the start to defining the woman I am becoming.

A few notes: On this blog, I usually post recipes for people to try out. While others can't follow the exact ingredients in my recipe of self-love, I want to challenge them to personalize it with their own unique flavors of people. Take a few minutes to stand in front of a mirror and notice the little things that you like about yourself. Look outwards at the traits you adore in the people you love and bring those traits inward to reflect on how they have shaped the person you are.

New Year Recipe Revisions and Additions:

A Ram's Reflective Recipe Revision (2021)

Chapter One: A Barista's Recipe to Self-Love